What Creates a Bully? How Do We Stop it?
Bullying can come from a couple of different places. The first is being simply shown, or role modeled. For instance, a child watches their parents act like bullies. Their young minds reasonably conclude that there are two kinds of people in the world: bullies, and the ones who get bullied. This child might not have been bullied themselves, they simply saw that behavior in those around them.
I am reminded of Dudley, Harry Potter’s cousin in the well-known book series. He was a bully who came from a house of bullies but was never actually bullied himself. These kinds of bullies need consequences from their actions to be more severe than the perceived reward. They must be taught how to make different choices and the value of those choices. Too often in this world, we see the bully as victorious, even a hero. They seem to always win, to get ahead. We see this in political pundits as well as politicians. We see it in athletes and celebrities. We see it in some churches and institutions that preach bigotry and hate, justifying a form of bullying.
Bullying can also come from being bullied, feeling powerless, and finding someone to make the child feel less powerless. Bullying is a place where they can focus their pain, rage, and feelings of powerlessness. It goes without saying that this type of behavior cannot continue, and there are ways to address it. First, these children need to get into a place where they feel safe. Then, they must be taught the true meaning of healthy power, both what it is and how to use it. Not power over others, not abusive power, but true power. Part of true power is the empowerment of those around you, not the disempowerment.
But that’s difficult in today’s world, and the rise of children on social media is only making it worse. It gives them immediate access and exposure to powerful people. Few people who exercise good power obtain recognition, and our society seems to reward bad behavior much more often. We don’t hold those people, the questionable “role models”, accountable. We, as a society, reward their atrocious behavior through media attention. This sends the message that the wealthy and famous are allowed to play by a different set of rules. If you’re good at the “right” things, or you look the way the media wants you to, you are allowed -even encouraged- to become a poor role model to keep people talking about you and tabloids in business.
Bullying of any kind not only creates the need for others to cry for help, bullying itself is a cry for help. The more we teach children and adults what positive, true power is, the more we shun bad behavior and refuse to reward it when it does happen. And the more we hold our role models accountable for their behavior, the faster bullying will go out of fashion.
