A Little Larger Than Life

“I want you to meet my friend Kevin. He’s one of my best friends, but before you meet him, you need to know that he’s a little larger than life.” 

That was one of the warning labels I used to come with. Some people would even continue on, saying that I really needed to be on stage. I was also described by people I knew as being “intense”. I can be very intense. 

By the time I was in my late twenties, I had even slapped a few warning labels on myself. When friends asked what I thought about something, I’d always warn them “Don’t ask unless you really want to know, because otherwise, I will tell you exactly what I think”. I also learned to caution people that were coming into my life by asking if they were familiar with the ancient Chinese curse “May you live in interesting times”. I then warned them that being pulled into my orbit would definitely qualify as living in interesting times. 

All this happened before I began my full-time journey as spiritual/holistic practitioner. Over the decades since my practice opened, I’ve picked up descriptive monikers such as “Hurricane Kevin” and “The Psychic Sledgehammer”. For a time, I even thought about referring to myself as “Spiritual Troublemaker” but was talked out of it. Eventually, I came to the point where I could cover all bases by using the term “Spiritual Catalyst” as a title on my business card, which has since evolved into the Inspirational Catalyst I’m known as today.

So why am I telling you this? In my practice I’ve found that many of the clients I work with are walking around with the burden of some absurd label, moniker, or nickname. Often this speaks more about the people who gave it to them, or who they used to be, than the person they are now.

In this journey, I have had a love/hate relationship with most of the labels I’ve been required to wear. I went through the process of understanding what the people who gave me these labels were trying to communicate, specifically about their experience of dealing with me. And I was implicitly pressured to choose, that I was able to either (1) wear the labels proudly or (2) walk away from them. 

I know that I am not alone in these experiences. Many of us have suffered on account of names or labels that others have attached to us.

When I was in my late 20s, my love affair with being described as “a little larger than life” went south. This was because for the first time in my adult life, I was starting to struggle with excess weight, something that had not happened to me since childhood. One day in a moment of extreme clarity, I snapped at a friend, “It’s not that my life is too large, it just looks large to you because you are living your life so small,” and stormed away. When I calmed down and reflected on my words, I realized that in many ways, this was the truth, albeit not expressed in the healthier manner. I was much more of a risk taker than most of my contemporaries, and I was more likely to challenge anything that I didn’t believe was right. I was also very passionate about whatever was going on in my life. The combination of passion, risk taking, and being a rebel did make me look larger than life to people who worked very hard to have a life where they could be normal and fit in.

After that, being labelled as “a little larger than life” no longer bothered me because I understood the deeper meaning and intent behind those words. The next time someone made that kind of comment I felt a little sad for them. I realized it was their way of communicating the myriad of emotions that my way of existing was causing them to experience. Everyone should feel empowered to live freely, fearlessly, and unapologetically.

The other label I got early on was “intense”. I hated it when people said, “Kevin you are so intense”. The sentiment was always relayed as if my intensity was a social disease, or at the very least something I should be apologizing for. For years I fought back, explaining that I wasn’t intense, I was simple, easy to understand, and very straight forward. It took me a while to realize I could be all of those things, and it wouldn’t change the fact that to most people, I was being intense. I had to accept that it not necessarily due to an inherent intensity, but because too many people outside of my orbit had used the word for me to deny it. Perhaps this is the meaning of the Anishinaabe proverb “What the people believe is true”.

It wasn’t until I began to analyze exactly what it was that I did, or even that I was, which made me come across as being so intense, that I began to make progress with this issue.

When I finally came to understand that “intense” was their way of saying that I was too present, too insightful, and too willing to answer questions honestly for their comfort level, that I started to embrace the concept. I realized that most people weren’t used to getting 100% of someone’s attention. They weren’t accustomed to being fully listened to or challenged when their thoughts and actions were not in integrity with each other. 

I also learned that I should never assume that asking a question meant that someone wanted to hear the truth. It was through these realizations I learned to open with a disclaimer whenever my friends (especially new ones) asked “What do you think?”. I got into the habit of asking “Do you really want to know? Because I am willing to tell you, but I just want to make sure you really want to know what I think”. This was the precursor to what I now tell my clients when they have an initial spiritual coaching and counseling session or a psychic session- “You can ask any kind of questions you would like, I just ask that you do not ask questions that you don’t want to know the answers to.”

As is often the case, my earlier life experiences, friendships, and family dynamics were simply the internship I needed to be a good healer and spiritual teacher.

Remember, whenever anyone has the audacity to step outside the box or demands the right to be their unique individual selves, there is going to be backlash. There will always be someone out there who will want to “fix” you, find a box for you, or use any means possible to keep you in your place (whatever they think that may be). You can’t stop other people from thinking anything they want about you.

My message to you? Take it back. Whatever the world has decided to label you, start by figuring out what they are really trying to say. Does your ability to take risks make you a rebel, or perhaps your willingness to speak the truth as you see it makes you appear as a troublemaker?  Whatever the label is, figure it out. If it fits, own it. Make it yours. If it doesn’t fit, redefine it and hand it back to them. 

There is an old Hollywood saying- “It doesn’t make any difference what they say as long as they spell the name right”. You only give other people your power when you accept their definition of the label they give you. So the next time someone labels you, tell them “That’s right, and this is what that label means to me”, and leave them thinking. It could very well be a new and possibly long overdue experience for them!